Once upon a time, a lonely Scottish woman dreamed a dream of being a world renowned singer.

With a little help from a millionaire producer, an exploitative TV show, and the Internet, she became one and now, Susan Boyle is one of the most recognizable names in reality competitive TV history.

So then, who wouldn't want to know the whole story!

The TV Guide Network has just announced that they will be broadcasting a new documentary produced by Simon Cowell following the life and times of Susan Boyle.

The network will premiere the film called I Dreamed a Dream: The Susan Boyle Story on December 13 at 8 p.m. and it will "chronicle Boyle's journey from obscurity to making global headlines with her angelic voice."

Eh, we would have rather seen a Lifetime movie made starring Delta Burke.

There's still time for that though.

Will U tune in for her documentary?

[Image via WENN.]

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Their claws are out!

Sting had some choice words for Simon Cowell and his show The X Factor, including "appalling," "bland," and "soulless!"

The singer says:

"It's a preposterous show, and you have judges who have no recognizable talent apart from self-promotion. Basically I was looking at televised karaoke where they conform to stereotypes. It is a soap opera which has nothing to do with music."

Cowell shot back with a jab of his own followed by an invitation for Sting to appear on the show!

"Talking about these contestants being a bunch of karaoke no-hopers … I thought it was pompous…Someone has got a little bit grumpy. We'd like a Sting week…He hasn't called yet. We're waiting!"

Sting, apparently unable to take a joke, had a rather long-winded reply to the invitation:

"I wouldn't get on The X Factor because I don't sound like anyone they're after. I sound like myself. I think they are basically aping pre-existing stereotypes of what singers should do and they're not being themselves."

We have to agree with Simon on this one, Sting! And it's no easy feat to look like the asshole next to Simon Cowell!

Lighten up!

[Image via Patricia Schlein / WENN.]

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And Katie Couric delivers the CBS Evening News while Howie Mandel hosts Deal or No Deal.

As sad a statement as that may be, don't feel too bad for Katie. She's pocketing $15 million a year!

Forbes revealed their highest paid primetime television personalities with Simon Cowell topping the list at $75 million! And that's just on American television! Cowell appears on both Britain's Got Talent and The X Factor in the UK.

Donald Trump follows Simon at $50 million with Ryan Seacrest taking the 3rd place spot at $35 million. Charlie Sheen and Steve Carell are in 4th and 5th place with $21 million and $20 million respectively.

But the moral of this story is that Howie Mandel makes $15 million a year!

It's inspirational! If he can do it, so can you!

[Image via Nikki Nelson / WENN.]

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He may be the toughest American Idol judge with a notorious mean streak, but Simon Cowell is generous when it means the most.

The British music mogul donated £100,000 for 18-month-old Sophie Atay to receive emergency treatment in New York City for a rare form of neuroblastoma.

Apparently, Sophie and her family had exhausted all the resources available to them in the UK and if she is able to receive treatment from the specialists in New York, her chances of survival shoot up from 20 percent to 90 percent!

X Factor winner Alexandra Burke told Simon about their situation and he happily donated the money for Sophie's cause.

What an amazing gift!

We hope little Sophie gets well soon!

[Image via WENN.]

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And he looks exactly the same!

Who cares about your food when you're ugly?!

That's the thought chef Gordon Ramsay must have had when he decided to have a cosmetic procedure (aka Botox and fillers).

"My mother said they were smile lines," said Ramsay, referring to the deep lines on his chin. "I could deal with that at 21, but not at 42."

Midlife crisis hitting you hard?!

And who knows more about that than Simon Cowell - the person who told him to get it!

"Simon Cowell suggested that now I'm a success in America, I should do something, so I had a filler put under the deep crevices," he continued.

Plus, who names drops cosmetic surgery recommendations?!

The kind of person who can afford $650 treatments and have no pain tolerance!

"It hurt," admitted the celebrity chef.

Get over yourself and find a better dermatologist!

We know one!

[Image via WENN.]

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It's not like he's known for being amicable!

Simon Cowell is not making any friends in the States, at least in Beverly Hills, where he has been renovating his $19 million, six bedroom mansion for five years, wreaking havoc on the posh neighborhood.

The North Palm Drive estate dubbed "Chateau Cowell" has had several complaints against it, including traffic violations, dirt from constant building and the noise from late-night parties.

"Construction’s been going on for five years and I’ve been near the end of my rope on many occasions. And we’ve been told the construction is not over yet," admitted neighbor Judy Wolf. "Apparently Simon didn’t like the way two or three of the rooms have turned out, so he’s completely redoing them. It’s the building project that never ends.’

Other residents are angry that Cowell refuses let builders and employees park on his driveway, forcing them to park on the street and block traffic.

"I have spoken to several builders and workers at the house, and they say they have to park in the street because Cowell doesn’t want them on his drive," said another neighbor. "Of course, what he says goes, but what Cowell doesn’t realise is that it is making life miserable for everyone else on his street. It is not neighbourly at all. You could say he’s become the neighbour from hell."

The property, which is just off Sunset Boulevard, features a private solarium, pool, a full gym and movie theater. He recently installed an $800,000 security system and spent almost as much on landscaping the grounds.

Wowsa!

"We have had many complaints from the neighbours, mostly about parking," said a police officer. "It’s a nightmare, it really is. But he’s a busy guy and is never around to speak to. We talk to his workers and they do their best to resolve issues as they arise."

Not to mention, his parties go on at all hours of the night and reportedly drive everyone crazy!

Lucky for the neighbors, Simon splits his time between his $12 million house in London, $14 million villa in Barbados where he also has another house, a weekend home in Spain and a $1.6 million investment property in Dubai.

Mo money, mo problems!

[Image via WENN.]

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The meanie Brit judge on American Idol has always had a soft spot for furry friends, but this was extra nice of him.

Exorcist actress Linda Blair has spent the last few years of career actively working as part of her non-profit WorldHeart Foundation, which cares for up to 50 abandoned dogs at a time. She found that her shelter was becoming pretty strapped for cash and that is when Simon Cowell came in to save the day.

He donated $30,000 to ensure that the center could stay open, admitting that it was a no brainer situation when a mutual friend brought the problem to his attention.

He says: "I think what Linda is doing is incredible. Seeing pictures of the dogs makes you realise what a fantastic job she's doing. When we spoke, I was really impressed by her passion and commitment, and offered to help her out financially."

Good for you!

A load of kudos for you, Cowell!

[Image via WENN.]

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Simon Cowell is celebrating his 50's birthday on Wednesday and the Brit had an early birthday party this weekend in England.

And from what we've heard, it was a lot of racy fun with a sort of Moulin Rogue theme to it.

One act included a performer dressed as a woman's privates who went on stage and pretended to use several sex toys. Inneresting.

We can only image what his 82-year-old mother, Julie, thought of the whole thing!

Simon's publicist and friend, Max Clifford, revealed: “It was a brilliant party, some parts of it had an outrageously camp theme. The funniest thing was seeing Simon trying to explain it to his mum, who was there with a priest and some of her friends from church. She asked what it was and he told her it was a sideways mouth and a toothbrush but it was very suggestive and it was very clear what it was supposed to be"

Another show included an almost fully naked woman doing a reverse strip, where she went on stage and dressed herself.

In attendance were many of Simon's friends, including several of his ex's such as Terri Seymour, and celebs like Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Piers Morgan, Dannii Minogue, Cheryl Cole, Randy Jackson, Ryan Seacrest and others.

The party ended around 5 in the morning with a naked guy staggering to a car and being driven away.

Simon Cowell + Ryan Seacrest + A Naked Man = Three Happy Men.

Good times!

[Image via WENN.]

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Nice to see they can have a laugh at themselves (and Simon Cowell)!

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