She's damn lucky!

Back in August, Kerry Katona was arrested on suspicion of beating the hell out of her accountant, David McHugh. She apparently blamed him for squandering her drug money and took out her anger on his face.

We learned this morning that the bitch got away with it, as the police have decided not to press charges against her. A spokeswoman for Cheshire Police says:

"Following an investigation by Cheshire Constabulary and advice from the Crown Prosecution Service in relation to an allegation of assault that occurred in Warrington on 26 August, no further action will be taken in respect of the 29-year-old female who was arrested in relation to the incident."

Well, we know she didn't have the money to buy them off, so she must not have done it.

That's good. Even if he had taken her money, no need to damage innocent office equipment on his head. Violence isn't the answer.

[Image via WENN.]

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She's a prostitute of words!

After her proclaimed suicide threat, violent outbursts and recent arrest, Kerry Katona couldn't possibly alienate herself more…until now!

The former pop singer turned reality TV star and perpetual trainwreck will pen a "warts and all" autobiography detailing her cocaine abuse, the millions blown on drug and drinking binges and her rocky marriage with husband Mark Croft.

Awwww! Maybe she can read it to the childrenz before bedtime!

Several publishers are interested, one reportedly offering a £375,000 advance!

Imagine the coke groceries that would buy!

“Kerry knows she is close to having to sign on the dole and possibly losing her house. She has lost so much of her income in recent months. The days of living to excess are well and truly over," said a source close to the addicted mother of four. “She knows the only thing people will pay for now is to see her car-crash life in print."

For a 29-year old, two autobiographies are pushing it! In 2006, she penned Too Much, Too Young about her troubled childhood.

Guess the drama funds being a mama!

[Image via News of the World.]

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Hard-pAArtying mother-of-four Kerry Katona is desperate for attention!

The UK reality star's tough week reportedly ended with Katona in her living room, sobbing, "I'm going to kill myself… I'm going to slash my wrists!"

A source says Kerry's cries were so loud, she even woke the children!

This all happened only hours after retuning from the local police station, where Kerry was sequestered for eight hours for allegedly chucking hot tea on her assistant.

With all of her "friends" ca$hing in on Katona's misfortunes, you think they'd eventually lend a helping hand…?

Maybe an intervention???

[Image via WENN.]

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This is a new tactic! We'll remember these moves come tax time!

As we previously mentioned, Kerry Katona was arrested on suspicion of assault after the supposed beating of….. her accountant.

The bankrupt coke fiend allegedly struck David McHugh in the head yesterday and damaged office equipment.

“You’re the f*****g reason I’ve got no money! It’s not Mark, it’s you!” Katona screamed at McHugh, accusing her accountant and not her husband of squandering her money.

We're pretty sure her $$$$$ went up her rotting nostrils!

“It seemed like the penny finally dropped for Kerry and she saw for the first time the mess she was actually in," said a source about her finances. “A colleague of David’s called the police and Kerry was taken away.”

Kerry spent most of Wednesday in a jail cell awaiting questioning on several charges including suspicion of assault, criminal damage and a public order offence.

Police will decide whether or not to charge the reality wreck today.

After bankruptcy and a drug bust, you think she'd cool her jets!

No rest for the high weary!

[Image via News of the World.]

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Britain's best mother, Kerry Katona is a walking example of the downfalls of cocaine abuse!

The hard-pAArtying former pop star's nose is reportedly "rotting away" due to the amount of coke the mother of four has hoovered up her nostrils over the years!!!!!!

Katona's step-sister, Pat Ferrier, has blabbed all the deets of her half sis' "dissolving" nose cartilage to the media!

"We were in America for our dad's funeral last year when the hole first started to develop," Ferrier told reporters.

Ferrier continued describing the state of Katona's nostrils, but we'd advise the weak-stomached to proceed with caution!

Pat recalled an incident that happened while recently visiting Kerry:

Kerry was in the bathroom for ages. I'd seen her take the tweezers in and I said, "'What you doing?" She said, "I'll be out in a minute." Then in her hand she's got this thing that she dragged out of this hole in her nose. It looked like when you get the fat off bacon. I've got a strong stomach but that was almost too much. She told me that rotting black stuff builds up inside and she has to dig it out every few weeks. It was disgusting, but it doesn't stop her taking drugs.

OMG!

Friends have expressed their concern to Katona, but the reality TV trainwreck doesn't even care!

"The hole has got bigger and has penetrated through to the other side. Kerry can put the end of her glasses into it," Katona's step-sis continued.

And Katona's eroding nose hole even doubles as a musical instrument!

"She's shown it to people. And it makes this funny whistling sound when she breathes through her nose. Kerry told me that when she sniffs up she gets it. I heard it. It's a very low whistle, as if your nose is blocked and you're just getting some air through," revealed Pat.

Yet Kerry is still insisting she is "not a drug addict"?????

[Image via WENN.]

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As if this bitch wasn't already in a big heap of trouble, now we are hearing that Kerry Katona is being investigated by the police over an alleged assault charge!!!!

Cokeheads tend to be violent!

No other information has been released just yet, but give it time.

Her agent needs to negotiate the "leak."

Update: Kerry has just been ARRESTED! Katona is currently in a police cell waiting to answer questions over allegedly attacking a man.

Police sources stated she "has been arrested on suspicion of assault, criminal damage and a public order offence."

Wonder who she beat up and why? Stay tuned for further updates!

[Image via WENN.]

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Kerry Katona is pretty desperate…for work.

Reports are saying that the U.K. reality celeb is rolling broke and is willing to take any kind of work in the TV biz. Having lost her profitable promoter's gig with the supermarket Iceland (they weren't too keen on the fact that she snorts "white powder"), Kerry is hoping to return to the jungles of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here and is "begging TV bosses to put her back."

If we could offer her some helpful advice, we think she should concentrate more on how to not lose her children!

From what we hear, social services are up her ass watching to make sure she is suitable mother, as some suggest that Kerry snorted the white powder while the kids were in the house. Following right behind them are the detectives investigating her alleged drug use. They are expected to interrogate her today.

So while you might need to make bank, Kerry, we'd focus more on staying out of prison first.

[Image via News of the World.]

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The police finally caught up with hard-pAArtying Kerry Katona on Monday!

And how'd they punish the mother of four who was caught on camera snorting a load of cocaine up her nose????

They didn't!

Katona was accompanied by her on-again/off-again husband, former cabbie and rumored drug dealer Mark Croft, to the Cheshire police station on Monday morning, but the reality star only received a "warning" from police!

Says a spokesperson for the Cheshire police: "Following a police investigation, today at Wilmslow police station a 28-year old woman has been cautioned by police for possession of a controlled drug."

Lucky bitch!

Don't fuck up again, though!

[Image via News of the World.]

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Sorry isn't gonna get custody of the childrenz!

In an interview with the Sunday Mirror, Kerry Katona speaks out about her recent drug use and what she deems important.

Here are some HIGHlights:

On mistakes:
"I'm so sorry and so ashamed of my actions. I know I let everyone down. It was a moment of weakness and stupidity and I regret it terribly."

On priorities:
"The biggest fear I could ever have is losing my children. But I'm not aware that Brian wants custody of the girls."

On being fired as a spokeswoman for supermarket, Iceland:
"I wasn't shocked by the decision. I understood that I'd given them no choice… they have stood by me through thick and thin and this is how I repaid them. I'm sorry I let them down."

On taking precautions:
"I'm not a drug addict. I don't wake up and think I need drugs. But I know that I have to get some help to make sure I never take drugs again."

Someone is having a problem looking in the mirror unless she's sorting coke off of it!

Katona will be facing charges as Cheshire Police may take further action if presented with additional evidence.

Rehab redux, anyone?!

[Image via News of the World.]

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