Simon Cowell is celebrating his 50's birthday on Wednesday and the Brit had an early birthday party this weekend in England.

And from what we've heard, it was a lot of racy fun with a sort of Moulin Rogue theme to it.

One act included a performer dressed as a woman's privates who went on stage and pretended to use several sex toys. Inneresting.

We can only image what his 82-year-old mother, Julie, thought of the whole thing!

Simon's publicist and friend, Max Clifford, revealed: “It was a brilliant party, some parts of it had an outrageously camp theme. The funniest thing was seeing Simon trying to explain it to his mum, who was there with a priest and some of her friends from church. She asked what it was and he told her it was a sideways mouth and a toothbrush but it was very suggestive and it was very clear what it was supposed to be"

Another show included an almost fully naked woman doing a reverse strip, where she went on stage and dressed herself.

In attendance were many of Simon's friends, including several of his ex's such as Terri Seymour, and celebs like Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Piers Morgan, Dannii Minogue, Cheryl Cole, Randy Jackson, Ryan Seacrest and others.

The party ended around 5 in the morning with a naked guy staggering to a car and being driven away.

Simon Cowell + Ryan Seacrest + A Naked Man = Three Happy Men.

Good times!

[Image via WENN.]

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Simon Cowell's 50th birthday bash is rapidly approaching and we're sure all those A-List celebs attending are scrambling to figure out what to get him.

But Kate Moss has it all figured out.

Cokate's going to "surprise" him with a performance, as in she's going to sing for Simon!

She does know that this is a birthday party and not an X-Factor or American Idol try-out, right?

So, what song has she picked to make Simon's ears bleed?

According to a source, "It’s a toss up between a sexy Marilyn Monroe-style ‘Happy Birthday’, or her speciality Lily Allen’s Not Fair, which she has been practicing with her friend Lily.”

If she's been practicing with Lily, then it's guaranteed to be a hot mess!

Hopefully someone will record this!

[Images via WENN.]

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Poor little Lila Grace.

On Friday in St. Tropez she found herself sandwiched between her druggie mother, Kate Moss, and motherly figure, Lily Allen.

What's a girl to do with role models like that?

And when did Kate and Lily get all buddy-buddy?

Was it in a bathroom stall at the club?

[Image via Fame Pictures.]

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Ahoy, mate!!!

Kate Moss, along with boyfriend Jamie Hince and former model Karen Mulder, went for a little booze cruise in St. Tropez on Tuesday.

There's nothing like the feeling of the ocean breeze caressing your titays!!!

Happy Summer, Gilligan!!!

[Image via Fame Pictures.]

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Kate Moss sure does love to pAArty!

The beautiful model and sometimes mother to daughter Lila was spotted out Thursday night at Scotts restaurant in London.

Shortly after, she disappeared into a house nearby and didn't leave until one in the morning.

Wonder what she could have been doing?

She sure does look… tired.

[Image via Matrix Photos.]

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Amy Winehouse's ex must hard up for $$$$$, because Blaaaaaaake is selling $tories about Wino!!

His latest tale?

Apparently, he and Wino were pAArtying it up a few years ago with their good pal and fellow drug fiend Cokate.

Moss must have been completely loaded, because Amy was able to steal a bit of the good stuff from Kate's purse for her and Blake to snort without the supermodel noticing a thing!

Ha!

Keep the stories coming, Blaaaaaake!

[Image via WENN.]

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Simon Cowell is branching out from molding pop superstars and is giving the world of rock a whirl!

Cowell is in production for a UK talent show which reports have called a hybrid of America's Got Talent and X Factor, featuring unsigned rock bands who will compete to win a record contract.

Even though Simon probably won't be a judge on the show, Kate Moss has reportedly signed on to judge the aspiring rockers!!

Really????

With Cokate being the supreme groupie that she is, we have no doubt Moss will use the show as her own personal dating service!

[Image via WENN.]

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In a world of unlikely pairings, this sure isn't the weirdest, but we suspect that Simon Cowell isn't using his big head with this business decision. He's using the little one!

Simon has decided to take his gazillion dollars and pool it with fashion fellow Sir Philip Green (owner of Top Shop) to form a global entertainment super-company. Because when you have craters of cash to spare, what else are you going to do but take over the world.

The businessmen have their eyes on rivaling the other big wig entertainment companies in the realms of television and fashion. Enter Kate Moss, whose been asked to join the team, subsequently doubling her net worth to $100 million, to direct the "style and image" of the yet to be named mega-brand.

A close source says, "Kate has been signed as a figurehead and style setter for the fashion end of the business. She will bring her expertise to the table, advising on all branding and style for clothes, hair and accessories."

We suppose as long as they keep her out of the showbusiness end of the venture, she can't do too much damage.

Oops, spoke too soon!

"Something that has also been talked about is Kate developing her own singing career and starting a music label," says the source.

Shiteous!!!

[Image via WENN.]

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We always seem to forget that Cokate is a mother!!

Whoops!

How could we???

Here's Moss participating in some motherly activities with the always adorable Lila Grace - checking out hard-pAArtying pal Lushy Allen's set at the Somerset House Series in London this weekend.

Hey, she's trying!

[Image via WENN.]

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