Shake those money-makers, Pivert!

We weren't aware that sprouting a pair of breasts was long-term side effect of mercury poisoning, but the Entourage star is sporting quite the A-cup nowadays!

He blames it on too much soya!

Give those chee-chas the support they need, Pivert!

And feeling yourself up doesn't count!

[Image via Ramey Pix.]

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Idiot!

While sashimi seems to give Jeremy Piven a case of the "drop outs", soy milk is supposedly giving him tits!

Jeremy has been using the dairy substitute in his cereal, but apparently the soy milk was getting him too in touch with his feminine side.

"I was the guy that dabbled in soya milk, but now I've found out soya milk has enough estrogen for me to grow breasts, I had to put the soya milk down. It was a very confusing time," he says.

So things you are officially staying away from: things that taste fishy and breasts.

Are you trying to tell us something else, Jeremy?

[Image via WENN.]

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Seksi!

Actress Charlize Theron was part of the live auction during the OneXOne charity event last night, auctioning off a trip to the 2010 World Cup in South Africa complete with tickets to the game, a safari and a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela!

The bidding came to a halt at $37,000 when she shouted, "For fuck's sake! You can do better! There is no way I'm leaving here with Jeremy Piven getting a higher bid!"

Ha! The Pivert had just raised $280,000.

So Charlize used herself to up the ante offering up a kiss to the highest bidder. A female in the audience scored the winning bid with $140,000, coming much closer to Piven's number! "My boyfriend is not here tonight," Charlize quipped.

Naughty girl, we love it!

And for a good cause!

[Image via Getty Images.]

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The mercury poisoning must be over!

Jeremy Piven was seen out at Gibson's steakhouse in Chicago dining on none other than a piece of whitefish.

Whitefish is considered to have lower levels of mercury than other types of fish, but it's still present.

You're not fooling anyone, Piven!

[Image via Judy Eddy / WENN.]

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The Public Theater in New York put on a cheeky little play last night called The Piven Monologues and naturally Jeremy Piven served them with a "cease and desist" letter.

The play is based on the Pivert's famed "mercury poisoning" incident leading him to pull out from Broadway show Speed-the-Plow.

There's another performance of The Piven Monologues set for next month, but we'll have to see what happens.

Piven's attorney stated that they aren't saying the theater can't do the play, but they can't make "defamatory statements" about their client.

Oh, lighten up! What happened to laughing about it?

Besides, all publicity is good publicity, Pivert!

Especially for you these days!

[Image via WENN.]

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Earlier this weekend, Jeremy Piven was spotted enjoying some fun in the sun with his girlfriend on the beach in Malibu.

Piven and his gal pal took sometime to walk down the beach while the "professional" actor held a cigar in hand the entire time though didn't smoke it once.

But what we can't get over is that chest of his and those man boobs!

And what the hell, Piven shouldn't be waxing that chest!

He should keep it hairy and covered up. It just doesn't look natural.

There's just something odd about his chest!

[Image via Ramey Pix.]

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Sure, now that he has won his case, Jeremy Piven is all about the funny when it comes to MercuryGate.

Pivert was on the Late Show last night and he decided to be uncharacteristically candid about his fishy ordeal. He joked with David Letterman that he thinks mercury poisoning "sounds like a rich man's disease…sounds like something you might get from the leather seats in your Lamborghini, like a rash, like a rash that hurts."

Funny, we kind of think of you that way. Like a painful rash, that won't go away!

Along with the mercury poisoning, Jeremy explains that he was afflicted with Epstein-Barr (more commonly known as mono), which further worsened his condition. But like we said, the tool has found his funny bone, as when Dave asked him how he got both mercury poisoning and mono, he replied:

"Just from being a coward."

Ha! Fact!

At least he'll admit it now.

[Image via WENN.]

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MercuryGate is over and the winner is….. Jeremy Piven - by a brown nose.

It was decided Thursday that Jeremy didn't violate his contract when he bowed out from the revival of Speed-the-Plow, because of suffering from mercury poisoning.

In a statement released this afternoon, Actors’ Equity Association, the union that represents Broadway actors, said that the arbitrator ruled in favor of The Pivert and the association, adding that the performer “did not breach his individual employment contract nor did he breach the Equity-League collective bargaining contract.”

Then, not one to let others have all the fun, The Pivert said his piece in a phone interview with The New York Times:

“All we can ask for is our day in court. I was lucky enough to get it, and the truth prevailed. It’s a beautiful thing…I’m just a theater actor who got sick, and was physically incapable of finishing my run. And now I can put this behind me and move on. And I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. I had a real health scare, and now I can climb back on the stage and know that I’m strong and able to complete the mission. It’s a great day.”

Well, congrats Pivert!

Now, you can get back to being a "serious" actor!

Ha! Yeah, right!

[Image via WENN.]

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Ah, The Pivert.

Looks like he's quickly on the way to the D-list!

Not only is Entourage losing steam this season on HBO and there was his whole Mercury poisoning poisoned run on Broadway, but Piven's latest flick, The Goods, is bombing big time at the box office!!!

And rightfully so! That movie looks HOrrendous!!!!!

Insiders are predicting The Goods will bring in less than $6 million by the weekend's close. Ouch!

Space alien drama District 9 took home the top spot at the U.S. box office.

Could we finally be Pivert-free soon????

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